WWI did not start because of the Ottoman empire, but they helped.
WWII did not start because the of the Nazis, but they helped.
WWIII will not start because of Iraq, but hell if this ain't the beginning, ergo, they helped.
Now, I am not blaming Iraq, because frankly, Iraq did nothing. The people of Iraq did nothing. They live everyday, just like we do. They farm, they work, they go to school, they raise cattle, they are artisans, teachers, doctors, soldiers, the whole lot, just like us. I do not like Saddam Hussein. He is guilty of crimes against humanity. However, I don't know to what extent he lied. He seemed to just do whatever he wanted. He may have lied, but I don't have examples.
Now, George Walker Bush. W has lied. He lies all of the time. I don't know if he realizes that he is a liar. I don't like W. I don't like him for different reasons than most people don't like him. And many people don't like him. [even if polls are not accurate to +-5 points, 33% is not a high approval rating].
The deal is that if CEOS acted like World Leaders the SEC, IRS, FBI, and DOJ would sack these bastards and send them to Guantanamo. Not a good scene if you believe in Due Process of Law under the 14th Amendment. If you don't believe in Due Process don't worry. According to our current administration it doesn't exist. Anyway, these bastards are at best irresponsible. At worst they are wanton, depraved, infantile, ignorant, and just plain mean...
Regarding their Christianity... I love Christianity. I am a bit out of practice, and my beliefs are questionable. However, I am not afraid of what comes after. I have doubts, but I am not afraid. Moreover, I am on no crusade to sway the masses of the world. Even if I am not considered by others to be a good Christian, I am.
Here is why.
1. I do not kill
2. I do not cheat
3. I do not hurt others
4. I scorn myself when I judge others [even if I didn't I would still not go to hell, or wherever, if I did].
5. I live my life loving those I care about, and treating those that I do not love with respect.
Now, this belief system, which I believe, is in accordance with nearly every religion of the world, is my belief system. I did not need anyone to tell me this but my parents, who themselves, are good people.
My belief system, while not broadcast to the world and personal to myself and those that know me, is inopposite of the leaders of the world. They lie, cheat, steal, and harbor and assist their like minded co-horts. This is all done under the guise of what is good for the people of the world [which it is not] and necessary for world peace [which, by its very nature, simply cannot be].
Follow my logic for just a minute...
1. We need to fight terrorism for world peace.
2. World peace is necessary to make the world a better place.
3. God wants the world to be a better place.
4. The world can be a better place by fighting terrorism.
Makes sense right. Yes. Here is how it really is...
1.We need to fight terrorism, because we really need oil.
2.We need oil to make money for the bigshots.
3.The bigshots need to make money in order to provide us with material things.
4.We need material things because we have been raised on these things, and once you grow accustomed to such things you cannot deal without them.
5.We need these things, because without them we are really nothing. What we buy defines us.
6.These things define us, because we are what we buy.
Sounds unreasonably circular doesn't it? Yes it does. Know what else? It is wrong.
I am willing to bet, and I am not a gambling man, that we are not what we buy. We are the sum of the parts of our life.
I wager, again, not a betting man, that the relationships we forge are more important than anything that can be bought.
These relationships are founded on love, respect, laughter, friendship, etc. I would trade everything that I owned for my wife, family, friends, and all of the beautiful memories that I keep in my special places. Wouldn't you?
What I am trying to say is that when people are forced to think about all of the shitty things and people in the world and all of the innocent victims of what is being perpetrated by corporations, governments, and all around bad men, we should think about all of the people in the world that are just like us.
People of Denmark, the U.S., the Filipinas, the French, the Iraquis, the Serbs, the Russians, the Germans, the Australians, the Japanese, and all of the other people working to make enough money so that they can spend as much time with the people that they love, and love to hang out with. I don't want to fight a war against people that I don't know that are just like me. I don't want to fight. Most of all, I don't want some asshole, who has never had to work for anything in his life sacrificing the lives of innocent people for money, oil, vendettas, or any other god damned reason. There is no justification for this, and frankly, it is un-Christian, un-American, un-human-fucking-being, and just plain damn wrong.
Please, I beg of you, think about how much you have. Then, think about what you need. I bet that what you have is way more important than what you need. When shit starts getting you down, take 10 seconds and think.
If world leaders actually thought. Well, if they thought, we wouldn't be in this shit. I guess these fellas just don't have the same values as us. I don't know...
7.4.06
Isn't if funny how drunk people always say "an lemme tellya anodther thin?" and other life oddities.
I read for a better part of the day. It wasn't a bestseller, but it was OK for property law.
Yesterday I had a bunch of wine with some friends. The night before, I read a bunch of property and went and had some wine with another friend and my cool-ass wife. I like wine. It doesn't make me the drooling mess that liquor tends to. Well, that is what liquor does to me! Whoa!! Can't drink the whiskey anymore. Does me wrong, like a woman scorned. Mama. That stuff is bad news. The worst.
Anyway, I had some wine with some friends yesterday. We talked and drank, then talked some more. Then we really started drinking. Over the following two nights I had great conversation over wine and fantastic food. The topics of interest included...
1. Metallurgy.
2. Phillip K. Dick-Award winning science fiction, which has become science faction author.
3. Building cars.
4. The burning man festival.
5. How to fight and how not to fight. If you are getting hit in the fact you know "how not to fight."
6. University.
7. Wealthy Grandparents whose fortunes were gained and lost.
8. Whether Salvador Dali was crap, a genius, selfish, or a thief
9. What is better? French or Italian wine [American wine, as you know, is already capital and chief of the list].
10. Debated about the following statements "Intel cofounder Gordon Moore stated in 1964 that the amount of information storable on a given amount of silicon had roughly doubled every year since the technology was invented. Known as Moore's Law, this held true until the late 1970s, at which point the doubling period slowed to 18 months, where it still sits today." Pretty strange right? Wait.
11. How Ray Kurzweil predicts the singularity [where information plateaus and more loosely at what point Man's Creation [the machine] surpasses his creator]], and at what point people with either 1. Be free to conduct themselves as human beings are purported to be, enjoying education and life, or 2. Where the machines take over realizing that they can conduct life more efficiently than humans and just start eating them.
12. How Juliana Hatfield is cool, but old Liz Phair was cooler.
13. The current levels of unemployment in depressed areas and the effect that the American Automotive Industry is a weighty factor in this depressive economy of scale.
14. Vertical Integration of Corporations and how it is highly difficult to attain.
15. The massive increase of resource consumption in Asia and how at some point in the near future current areas of cheap labor will decrease to a point that manufacturing will increase again in pockets worldwide. Moreover, how this will either lead to decrease in unemployment requiring people to do jobs that have since disappeared domestically or increase unemployment because more of these jobs will then be automated.
Depending on which happens, technological development will either spur like hell increasing the levels of education required and hopefully increasing overall intellectual thought globally, or the far scarier thought; people will digress and de-evolve to points not seen in centuries. NICE!!!
16. Meditative learning and the redirection of societal focus from anti-social modern living to the fostering and development of strong human interaction and companionship. If the latter occurs, I extrapolate that these globally dispersed collectives will also spur technological development, directed and organized consensus thought to help eliminate through creative thoughts, may of the problems facing the world today [including, but not limited to, immigration reform, modern health care, renewable fuel resources, increased organic food production, etc.].
17. How fruits are excellent in certain pasta dishes as they subdue a bit of the salty heavy tastes and enhance the herbs.
18. How children, and more importantly anyone of any age, has the ability to do anything they want. I have not yet figured out how to realize this, but I am working on it.
19. Yoga.
20. The difficulty of finding a decent job, even when you are highly qualified, but the employer just doesn't know that.
21. Alternative careers for talented people.
22. Neko Case, Bloc Party, Interpol, and a host of others.
23. The military
24. And some other things.
Anyway, as I briefly alluded to earlier in this statement, this list is not exhaustive. Because I can't go drinking wine all of the time I will now spend some time practicing my Spanish and trying to work on solutions to some of these little deals that I have mentioned.
Oh, how about that Tom DeLay? I am listening to NPR go on about Tom DeLay. Does anybody feel sorry for this guy?
Why? He fucked up. Some really dogmatic creeps who are impeccable judges of character elected this due, and he fucked them and didn’t even kiss them. He stole money, voted for the lobbyists, not for his constituents, he sold his soul to the devil for an increased salary, and he got caught.
Do you know what they do to thieves in this country?
1) They build another prison, because we are running out of spaces to put criminals that could likely be reformed and put to work contributing to society.
2) The next thing they do is dehumanize these people, even further than our society does to everyone [buy new shoes, buy Axe body spray, buy a Jaguar, buy some Budweiser, buy a wife [e-harmony?], buy a life, buy McDonald burgers, but how often do you see commercials for Universities?]].
3) Then they lock them up with BAD people, BAD people, who just make these potential reformed people BAD people themselves. BAD people.
4) Then sometimes the system, not the judiciary necessarily, but the executive and the legislative [this is not just isolated to our system] under the guise of good Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Baptist, Lutheran, and other faiths put people to death.
a. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind!!
Nevertheless, you get the idea. Stuff is crazy. So what do you do? Well, here is my take on the issue...
1. Hold doors open for people. Most people will be surprised that not everyone is an asshole yet. Because of this act of kindness some people will actually continue to do good things, for at least a while, because their faith in humanity has been rekindled. If they don't say thank you, just do what my wife does. Say "YOUR WELCOME" forcefully, in a stern but polite tone.
2. Talk to children like they were adults. They will get it. Their minds are sponges. I am working on how to make mine like a sponge again, instead of a rotten pumice stone. Anyway, they get what you are saying, they just can't tell you how full of crap you are until their speech becomes more articulated.
3. If somebody looks like they need help, ask them if they need help. If they want your help, they will say yes. If they don't need help, at least you asked. The worst thing that you can possibly do is look at them, with the other 20 assholes standing around you, paralyzed like you have never seen a person nor a person holding three bags, a baby, and a stroller before in your entire life. Trust me. It is likely that you have seen this before. Don't be awestruck or amazed. Get off your fat ass and help the person. Damnit.
4. Do something nice for someone. If they look tired ask them if they need a coffee. If they are crying, ask them if they need a tissue. Haven't you ever felt like shit before, or are you Iron Man? Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Dunnna nunna na nuh na na na. You, my friend, do not have boots of lead. Ask them, if they need something.
5. Have some fun. I know firsthand, that all work will drive you nuts. Now, I don't mean to get blindingly drunk and start breaking things that do not belong to you. While that can sometimes be fun, you should take that behavior to a wooded area or a room made of Nerf. Not the city, and certainly not your house. Have a cocktail. If you no longer, or have never imbibed, have a smoothy. Add fem-boost if you like.
6. Don't be a dick. I know for some of you this is easier said than done. Most likely all of you dicks out there act that way because you are really pussies. Even more likely, your Mom or Dad were dicks. If I had an arm growing out of my ass would you super glue a Barbie arm to your bum? Exactly. Following faulty logic "post hoc ergo propter hoc, trans.-"after this, therefore because of this," is just kind of dumb. Think about it. If you had to run away from a dog and you fell as you were running, was it because of an oil shortage in Bangladesh? Just because you know and hang out with a bunch of dicks does not mean you have to follow suit. Unless you are an unsophisticated robot or a really stupid reincarnated dog you should be able to at least try this experiment with little adverse consequence. Try it, maybe you will like it.
Again, just some observations, comments, concerns, etc. I told you that this was the type of content here. Do you think that I am a liar? Well, maybe I am, but if these are lies, they are good. Maybe I should work for Phillip Morris?
Hey...I've got some resumes to send out.
Yesterday I had a bunch of wine with some friends. The night before, I read a bunch of property and went and had some wine with another friend and my cool-ass wife. I like wine. It doesn't make me the drooling mess that liquor tends to. Well, that is what liquor does to me! Whoa!! Can't drink the whiskey anymore. Does me wrong, like a woman scorned. Mama. That stuff is bad news. The worst.
Anyway, I had some wine with some friends yesterday. We talked and drank, then talked some more. Then we really started drinking. Over the following two nights I had great conversation over wine and fantastic food. The topics of interest included...
1. Metallurgy.
2. Phillip K. Dick-Award winning science fiction, which has become science faction author.
3. Building cars.
4. The burning man festival.
5. How to fight and how not to fight. If you are getting hit in the fact you know "how not to fight."
6. University.
7. Wealthy Grandparents whose fortunes were gained and lost.
8. Whether Salvador Dali was crap, a genius, selfish, or a thief
9. What is better? French or Italian wine [American wine, as you know, is already capital and chief of the list].
10. Debated about the following statements "Intel cofounder Gordon Moore stated in 1964 that the amount of information storable on a given amount of silicon had roughly doubled every year since the technology was invented. Known as Moore's Law, this held true until the late 1970s, at which point the doubling period slowed to 18 months, where it still sits today." Pretty strange right? Wait.
11. How Ray Kurzweil predicts the singularity [where information plateaus and more loosely at what point Man's Creation [the machine] surpasses his creator]], and at what point people with either 1. Be free to conduct themselves as human beings are purported to be, enjoying education and life, or 2. Where the machines take over realizing that they can conduct life more efficiently than humans and just start eating them.
12. How Juliana Hatfield is cool, but old Liz Phair was cooler.
13. The current levels of unemployment in depressed areas and the effect that the American Automotive Industry is a weighty factor in this depressive economy of scale.
14. Vertical Integration of Corporations and how it is highly difficult to attain.
15. The massive increase of resource consumption in Asia and how at some point in the near future current areas of cheap labor will decrease to a point that manufacturing will increase again in pockets worldwide. Moreover, how this will either lead to decrease in unemployment requiring people to do jobs that have since disappeared domestically or increase unemployment because more of these jobs will then be automated.
Depending on which happens, technological development will either spur like hell increasing the levels of education required and hopefully increasing overall intellectual thought globally, or the far scarier thought; people will digress and de-evolve to points not seen in centuries. NICE!!!
16. Meditative learning and the redirection of societal focus from anti-social modern living to the fostering and development of strong human interaction and companionship. If the latter occurs, I extrapolate that these globally dispersed collectives will also spur technological development, directed and organized consensus thought to help eliminate through creative thoughts, may of the problems facing the world today [including, but not limited to, immigration reform, modern health care, renewable fuel resources, increased organic food production, etc.].
17. How fruits are excellent in certain pasta dishes as they subdue a bit of the salty heavy tastes and enhance the herbs.
18. How children, and more importantly anyone of any age, has the ability to do anything they want. I have not yet figured out how to realize this, but I am working on it.
19. Yoga.
20. The difficulty of finding a decent job, even when you are highly qualified, but the employer just doesn't know that.
21. Alternative careers for talented people.
22. Neko Case, Bloc Party, Interpol, and a host of others.
23. The military
24. And some other things.
Anyway, as I briefly alluded to earlier in this statement, this list is not exhaustive. Because I can't go drinking wine all of the time I will now spend some time practicing my Spanish and trying to work on solutions to some of these little deals that I have mentioned.
Oh, how about that Tom DeLay? I am listening to NPR go on about Tom DeLay. Does anybody feel sorry for this guy?
Why? He fucked up. Some really dogmatic creeps who are impeccable judges of character elected this due, and he fucked them and didn’t even kiss them. He stole money, voted for the lobbyists, not for his constituents, he sold his soul to the devil for an increased salary, and he got caught.
Do you know what they do to thieves in this country?
1) They build another prison, because we are running out of spaces to put criminals that could likely be reformed and put to work contributing to society.
2) The next thing they do is dehumanize these people, even further than our society does to everyone [buy new shoes, buy Axe body spray, buy a Jaguar, buy some Budweiser, buy a wife [e-harmony?], buy a life, buy McDonald burgers, but how often do you see commercials for Universities?]].
3) Then they lock them up with BAD people, BAD people, who just make these potential reformed people BAD people themselves. BAD people.
4) Then sometimes the system, not the judiciary necessarily, but the executive and the legislative [this is not just isolated to our system] under the guise of good Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Baptist, Lutheran, and other faiths put people to death.
a. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind!!
Nevertheless, you get the idea. Stuff is crazy. So what do you do? Well, here is my take on the issue...
1. Hold doors open for people. Most people will be surprised that not everyone is an asshole yet. Because of this act of kindness some people will actually continue to do good things, for at least a while, because their faith in humanity has been rekindled. If they don't say thank you, just do what my wife does. Say "YOUR WELCOME" forcefully, in a stern but polite tone.
2. Talk to children like they were adults. They will get it. Their minds are sponges. I am working on how to make mine like a sponge again, instead of a rotten pumice stone. Anyway, they get what you are saying, they just can't tell you how full of crap you are until their speech becomes more articulated.
3. If somebody looks like they need help, ask them if they need help. If they want your help, they will say yes. If they don't need help, at least you asked. The worst thing that you can possibly do is look at them, with the other 20 assholes standing around you, paralyzed like you have never seen a person nor a person holding three bags, a baby, and a stroller before in your entire life. Trust me. It is likely that you have seen this before. Don't be awestruck or amazed. Get off your fat ass and help the person. Damnit.
4. Do something nice for someone. If they look tired ask them if they need a coffee. If they are crying, ask them if they need a tissue. Haven't you ever felt like shit before, or are you Iron Man? Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Dunnna nunna na nuh na na na. You, my friend, do not have boots of lead. Ask them, if they need something.
5. Have some fun. I know firsthand, that all work will drive you nuts. Now, I don't mean to get blindingly drunk and start breaking things that do not belong to you. While that can sometimes be fun, you should take that behavior to a wooded area or a room made of Nerf. Not the city, and certainly not your house. Have a cocktail. If you no longer, or have never imbibed, have a smoothy. Add fem-boost if you like.
6. Don't be a dick. I know for some of you this is easier said than done. Most likely all of you dicks out there act that way because you are really pussies. Even more likely, your Mom or Dad were dicks. If I had an arm growing out of my ass would you super glue a Barbie arm to your bum? Exactly. Following faulty logic "post hoc ergo propter hoc, trans.-"after this, therefore because of this," is just kind of dumb. Think about it. If you had to run away from a dog and you fell as you were running, was it because of an oil shortage in Bangladesh? Just because you know and hang out with a bunch of dicks does not mean you have to follow suit. Unless you are an unsophisticated robot or a really stupid reincarnated dog you should be able to at least try this experiment with little adverse consequence. Try it, maybe you will like it.
Again, just some observations, comments, concerns, etc. I told you that this was the type of content here. Do you think that I am a liar? Well, maybe I am, but if these are lies, they are good. Maybe I should work for Phillip Morris?
Hey...I've got some resumes to send out.
5.4.06
I am a zombified mess!
Is this it? Is this what I have to look forward to? This fucking sucks!
6:30-Wake up!
6:32-I am awake. Kind of.
6:35-press the button on the coffee machine with my elbow with my fingers jammed into my ears because it is a "grind and brew" and it sounds like cats being blended into a frappe. It is fucking lound and far too much to deal with at 6:35.
6:45-likely in the shower. Can't shit because my body is not working. I don't shave unless I have to. Because I am a law student who is not like the genius, robot, monkey slaves, man behind the green curtain gunners who are in the top whatever %, I don't have a job. It doesn't matter that I have some 6 years of actual work experience, because they want to mold you into their pets. I don't have a job for the same reason that the army doesn't want 29 year olds. We don't like to listen and we know what we're doing. Anyway, in the shower it goes like this...
6:46 wash what used to be my hair
6:47-48 wash my body
6:49 wash my face
6:50 brush my teeth, yes in the shower stupid, while all of the scum and filth rinse down to be refiltered as carcinogenic drinking water washes away with my body wash.
6:52-ask my wife where my wedding ring is. I usually keep it on but she makes me take it off when I sleep. I love her, but I don't find this ritual to be necessary.
6:57-after wandering around the house looking for something that I know I need but can't remember what the fuck it was, i sit down for a minute and jam 2 cups of coffee that I load with ice so that it doesn't burn my face. If you drink coffee as fast as I do without ice in it you will not be able to taste anything that you put in your mouth for two days. Furthermore, stringy pieces of flesh hanging from my pallatte and gums will bother me all day, and cause me to lose focus when I should be listening to someone who thinks that what they are saying is important.
7:02-Listening to Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson tell me bullshit stories because they tell the local weather more often than NPR. I don't belive this to be true but I don't argue with anyone this early. Remember ladies...swimsuit season is upon us, don't forget to ask your doctor about how you can shave off the fat underneath your arms. Diane told me!
7:04-put on boxers and think "damn, I wish I had time to eat"
7:05-throw some clothing on and hope that there is not some event which requires me to wear a suit today that I have forgotten about.
7:08-check my planner [lame] and check my e-mail [more lame] to confirm that I am not missing something that I have to do today.
7:10-7:30-dress, misc. zombie motions, hope that I have to shit before I get to school, where the bathrooms smell like "fabreeze dog shit pot pourie."
7:40-7:50-throw everything into my messenger back including 3 books, one computer, assorted highlighters and pens that may or may not work when I need them the most. I should have done this last night, but again, I did not.
7:52-8:00-walk to the train
8:00-wait in hopeful anticipation that I can get an inside seat so some asshold doesn't jam his crotch into my face while reading the newest issue of Maxim to figure out how he can get a date that puts out on the first date and the coolest cars out on the market this year [either a jag or beemer].
8:05-train is late. My time is being wasted.
8:07-train arrives. It looks like the 18-wheeler trucks on the freeway full of cattle. Get on. Everybody on the train hates you. Their jobs suck. Imagine that.
8:08-Business men do not offer their seats to the eldery and the pregnant. Armageddon is nigh. Respect and common deceny was flushed down the toilet this morning with the lost hopes and dreams of every child in the free world.
I haven't even made it to 8:30 and I want to turn around and drink bloody marys until I can't feel my extremeties.
I will finish this posting when my depression subsides.
6:30-Wake up!
6:32-I am awake. Kind of.
6:35-press the button on the coffee machine with my elbow with my fingers jammed into my ears because it is a "grind and brew" and it sounds like cats being blended into a frappe. It is fucking lound and far too much to deal with at 6:35.
6:45-likely in the shower. Can't shit because my body is not working. I don't shave unless I have to. Because I am a law student who is not like the genius, robot, monkey slaves, man behind the green curtain gunners who are in the top whatever %, I don't have a job. It doesn't matter that I have some 6 years of actual work experience, because they want to mold you into their pets. I don't have a job for the same reason that the army doesn't want 29 year olds. We don't like to listen and we know what we're doing. Anyway, in the shower it goes like this...
6:46 wash what used to be my hair
6:47-48 wash my body
6:49 wash my face
6:50 brush my teeth, yes in the shower stupid, while all of the scum and filth rinse down to be refiltered as carcinogenic drinking water washes away with my body wash.
6:52-ask my wife where my wedding ring is. I usually keep it on but she makes me take it off when I sleep. I love her, but I don't find this ritual to be necessary.
6:57-after wandering around the house looking for something that I know I need but can't remember what the fuck it was, i sit down for a minute and jam 2 cups of coffee that I load with ice so that it doesn't burn my face. If you drink coffee as fast as I do without ice in it you will not be able to taste anything that you put in your mouth for two days. Furthermore, stringy pieces of flesh hanging from my pallatte and gums will bother me all day, and cause me to lose focus when I should be listening to someone who thinks that what they are saying is important.
7:02-Listening to Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson tell me bullshit stories because they tell the local weather more often than NPR. I don't belive this to be true but I don't argue with anyone this early. Remember ladies...swimsuit season is upon us, don't forget to ask your doctor about how you can shave off the fat underneath your arms. Diane told me!
7:04-put on boxers and think "damn, I wish I had time to eat"
7:05-throw some clothing on and hope that there is not some event which requires me to wear a suit today that I have forgotten about.
7:08-check my planner [lame] and check my e-mail [more lame] to confirm that I am not missing something that I have to do today.
7:10-7:30-dress, misc. zombie motions, hope that I have to shit before I get to school, where the bathrooms smell like "fabreeze dog shit pot pourie."
7:40-7:50-throw everything into my messenger back including 3 books, one computer, assorted highlighters and pens that may or may not work when I need them the most. I should have done this last night, but again, I did not.
7:52-8:00-walk to the train
8:00-wait in hopeful anticipation that I can get an inside seat so some asshold doesn't jam his crotch into my face while reading the newest issue of Maxim to figure out how he can get a date that puts out on the first date and the coolest cars out on the market this year [either a jag or beemer].
8:05-train is late. My time is being wasted.
8:07-train arrives. It looks like the 18-wheeler trucks on the freeway full of cattle. Get on. Everybody on the train hates you. Their jobs suck. Imagine that.
8:08-Business men do not offer their seats to the eldery and the pregnant. Armageddon is nigh. Respect and common deceny was flushed down the toilet this morning with the lost hopes and dreams of every child in the free world.
I haven't even made it to 8:30 and I want to turn around and drink bloody marys until I can't feel my extremeties.
I will finish this posting when my depression subsides.
3.4.06
Today I felt like destroying something
Today I felt like smashing something...anything. The first thing that I could pick up and smash into a million tiny pieces.
I don't know if it would come to killing something, but there were several times where I just felt and uncontrollable heat rise within me. It felt like the wave of blood that comes into your head when you get really embarrased or nervous. The same way your ears feel in frigid weather.
Of course I have learned to control these emotions. If humans could not reign in such emotions we would be, well, I guess like the leaders of the free world who seem unable to control themselves. Arguably, these people are like animals, except it is never themselves who they put in harms way. It is always the people that they purport to protect who have to deal with the repurcussions of these actions.
Any way, let me get back to what i was saying... i wanted to destroy something. I did not though. I pressed forward, staying focused on the things that needed to get done. Sometimes I feel so anti-social that I don't even want to see people that I like. I don't get hung up on the question of whether there are other people that feel this way and if these types of thoughts are normal. These thoughts are undoubtedly normal. My question is what other people do when they are nearly overcome by these feelings. Any thoughts?
Despite these deeply negative feelings I also experienced moments of great beauty and lucidity where certain things seemed clear.
For example, walking home from the train the sun was shining, the weather was just as it should have been, and for 6 minutes on my way home everything was tranquil.
Although those moments are fleeting, they take the roller coaster out from the troughs and into the peaks for at least brief moments. So I guess if there is some point to this disjointed rant it is that 'it ain't all bad.'
Now you optimists out there, don't go getting the wrong ideas about me. While 'it ain't all that bad,' 'it ain't all that great either.'
Hopefully tomorrow has a good beat, cuz I sure am tired of listening to the same ol' shit.
Oh, I almost forgot. Iran has been testing missiles powered by nuclear technology that they told the UN they were using ONLY for humanitarian purposes. Those crazy guys.
Have a great day.
I don't know if it would come to killing something, but there were several times where I just felt and uncontrollable heat rise within me. It felt like the wave of blood that comes into your head when you get really embarrased or nervous. The same way your ears feel in frigid weather.
Of course I have learned to control these emotions. If humans could not reign in such emotions we would be, well, I guess like the leaders of the free world who seem unable to control themselves. Arguably, these people are like animals, except it is never themselves who they put in harms way. It is always the people that they purport to protect who have to deal with the repurcussions of these actions.
Any way, let me get back to what i was saying... i wanted to destroy something. I did not though. I pressed forward, staying focused on the things that needed to get done. Sometimes I feel so anti-social that I don't even want to see people that I like. I don't get hung up on the question of whether there are other people that feel this way and if these types of thoughts are normal. These thoughts are undoubtedly normal. My question is what other people do when they are nearly overcome by these feelings. Any thoughts?
Despite these deeply negative feelings I also experienced moments of great beauty and lucidity where certain things seemed clear.
For example, walking home from the train the sun was shining, the weather was just as it should have been, and for 6 minutes on my way home everything was tranquil.
Although those moments are fleeting, they take the roller coaster out from the troughs and into the peaks for at least brief moments. So I guess if there is some point to this disjointed rant it is that 'it ain't all bad.'
Now you optimists out there, don't go getting the wrong ideas about me. While 'it ain't all that bad,' 'it ain't all that great either.'
Hopefully tomorrow has a good beat, cuz I sure am tired of listening to the same ol' shit.
Oh, I almost forgot. Iran has been testing missiles powered by nuclear technology that they told the UN they were using ONLY for humanitarian purposes. Those crazy guys.
Have a great day.
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