Today I felt like smashing something...anything. The first thing that I could pick up and smash into a million tiny pieces.
I don't know if it would come to killing something, but there were several times where I just felt and uncontrollable heat rise within me. It felt like the wave of blood that comes into your head when you get really embarrased or nervous. The same way your ears feel in frigid weather.
Of course I have learned to control these emotions. If humans could not reign in such emotions we would be, well, I guess like the leaders of the free world who seem unable to control themselves. Arguably, these people are like animals, except it is never themselves who they put in harms way. It is always the people that they purport to protect who have to deal with the repurcussions of these actions.
Any way, let me get back to what i was saying... i wanted to destroy something. I did not though. I pressed forward, staying focused on the things that needed to get done. Sometimes I feel so anti-social that I don't even want to see people that I like. I don't get hung up on the question of whether there are other people that feel this way and if these types of thoughts are normal. These thoughts are undoubtedly normal. My question is what other people do when they are nearly overcome by these feelings. Any thoughts?
Despite these deeply negative feelings I also experienced moments of great beauty and lucidity where certain things seemed clear.
For example, walking home from the train the sun was shining, the weather was just as it should have been, and for 6 minutes on my way home everything was tranquil.
Although those moments are fleeting, they take the roller coaster out from the troughs and into the peaks for at least brief moments. So I guess if there is some point to this disjointed rant it is that 'it ain't all bad.'
Now you optimists out there, don't go getting the wrong ideas about me. While 'it ain't all that bad,' 'it ain't all that great either.'
Hopefully tomorrow has a good beat, cuz I sure am tired of listening to the same ol' shit.
Oh, I almost forgot. Iran has been testing missiles powered by nuclear technology that they told the UN they were using ONLY for humanitarian purposes. Those crazy guys.
Have a great day.
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anti-social. yup. pretty much every weekend for me.
not so much by direct choice, but more of a by-product of lethargy.
when I want to destroy something, I shoot guns at targets.
or I play paintball.
but the former is easier, since I can do it in my backyard. (being in chicago, you should be able to pull that off in the street :-P)
of course, by guns, I mean airsoft.
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