Nobody Knows Who I Am

Nobody knows who I am. The fault lies not with them, but with me. My mind is not lazy, but my mouth is. My body is not lazy, but my eyes and ears are. I just don't want to look for the answer or listen to somebody try and explain or justify their actions to me. I just want them to do whatever it is that they think they need to do or want to do. I don't want to talk about things, I want to do those things.

My wife will tell you that I am an "OK" guy. Rarely is something 'awesome,' 'fantastic,' 'superp,' or whatever. I am an "OK" guy because I have refined my tastes over years and things just don't exite me that easily anymore. Things that I love or have a great deal of passion invested in exite me more than the inadequacy of the English language, or likely any other language, can describe. I could explain to you what those things that ignite my passion are but I am afraid that they will lose some of their punch if I share them with you...so I will keep them for me. Just for me.

Despite all of this, I am a happy person. I do let many things slide by me without causing aggravation. When we can make these aggravations gnats instead of lions the world becomes happier. The world becomes happier because one person becomes happier. Sure, the increase may be negligible, but the ocean gains size with every drop. There are far too many stubborn and ignorant people in this world who cannot recognize that they know nothing. I know nothing. In the grand scheme of things, many of us know nothing. I would love to give you a great quote, but not today, some other time. The crux of this thought is that it is impossible to know everything, even a percentage of a fraction of everything. So be wary of those people that claim to know much, and even more wary of those who claim to know more. Those people cannot be trusted, and often, when it comes down to necessity, those people never seem to come through in moments that demand courage or compassion. So there, you ignorant phuckos out there.

I am at work right now. I am supposed to be working right now. I guess that I am working right now. Just not doing work suited to this environment. "Yes, I am doing work...I am blogging. Hopefully I am making someone else's day better by writing something that they felt, and thought that no one else felt like that. Hopefully." So I guess that this, what I am doing, as compared to what I should be doing, may very well be the more important work. Look, It is not as if I have a pile of time sensitive work staring me in the face, scornfully taunting..."finish me, finish me now, or your life." I don't have anything. Everything they ask that I do, I do. Apparently I do it well, or so they tell me. I attribute the lulls in work to a lack of time or organization on their behalf. Of course it may not be their fault, but it also MAY be their fault. I am in no position to speculate on the reasons for gaps in the assignments that they give to me. There are 3 other summer employees at my place of business and not all of them seem to be getting as much work as I. It should be noted, and noted well, that those 3 are paid employees, whereas I am not. Additionally, those 3 have progressed, or scratch that, are merely further along in their educations than I. In the grand scheme, back to this grand scheme, what is this grand scheme? We will discuss the grand scheme shortly, this advanced educational position means very little. I suspect that I can do the same things and types of tasks that these others can do, but for their additional year of education on me. In fact, I am probably 4 or 5 years older than them. Which means that I have 4 to 5 years of LIFE EDUCATION on them where they have 1 year of LAW SCHOOL on me. WHOA, stop the presses, hold the phones, and call the fucking President. These guys have a year of school on me. A year of awful, dreadful, monotonous law school. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH SMARTER THAT YEAR OF EDUCATION HAS MADE THEM. They might be geniuses. The shear expansion of their brains may have given them mind control powers. We had better make some hats of tin foil to protect ourselves from their penetrating mind control waves.

Sorry, gotta little out of control there. Wild Rants, Just Wild Rants. Anyway, my point is that...

1. Working for free is just lame. I cannot explain to you how difficult it is to put your best foot forward, do all of the work, do it well, and then just not give a shit. In fact, I really couldn't care much less. The worst of it is, that these people cannot believe how hard I work. I truly believe that if most of them, the lawyers that give me work, were in my position they would have quite a severe case of the 'fuckits.' But that is neither here nor there, because I am in the hot seat and they hold the lever.

2. Back to the whole 'I know more than you,' issue. Well, you probably don't know more than me. We might just be on an even keel. Wouldn't that just piss you off? What stings those people's egos the most is that I may very well know more than them, and I don't know anything at all. OUCH!!! That smarts. The damn voodoo that people try and sell to you on a daily basis is unbelievable. This culture, our culture, not the global culture, but there are some culprits out there among the usual suspects (you know who you are England and China), forces people to work and over work and be workaholics. The problem is that education is shit, many teachers are shit, math and science are shit. And people just don't give a shit. They needn't have to. We have plenty to go around, what with the state of education and teachers. We are working more, to produce less quality, to buy stuff that we don't need. I cannot speak to this issue any longer. I have nothing left to say about this without digressing into a massive diatribe that people have neither the patience nor the inclination to read.

3. What is life? What is our definition of life? What is your definition of life? What quality of life do you seek? The chain? The repeating chain? Does that really make people happy? What could you do different starting right now? What would you do differently if you could do it again? Me, myself, I don't have the answers. What I do know is this. My grandparents had their children, my parents. Now I will have a child...someday. Would I like more than one child? I don't know. But we keep making children, and the planet keeps turning. But if I am all right, and I have a decent moral sense, no my role in a global world, respect differences of culture and religion, and treat other humans with decency that treat me with decency then why are there so many damn ASSHOLES out there?

Here is one possibility. The people who treat others with respect like I do are not the people making babies because they realize that their progeny will have little chance of getting on well and be outnumbered by all of those creating asshole babies.

The second possibility. The people making babies that are all right human beings are on the increase and we have to wait and see maybe two generations down the effects of the increase in overall goodness in the world. I would like to place all of my faith in this option, I hope that I am not merely deluding myself.

The third possibility. We are just a race of slightly rational, warrior monkeys and we are all fucked. The Earth cannot sustain our populous because we take and take and take and give nothing back to the planet. There is no point. There is nothing but this. I hope this is not the outcome. But everything in my gut tells me that this is what is happening. Wars, fighting, over population, wage enslavement, and workaholism. Wow. not a good scene.






Anyway, I don't know why I started this blog today. I just felt like, i don't know. I guess that I just didn't really feel anything.

I have this class that I have been going to for school. Nothing fun, like music or gong fu, just law. The class could be exciting. Guess what though? could be and are are a world apart. I don't want to go. I will go, I will also watch Netherlands play Argentina at 2:00 as well. I hope that lifts my spirits a bit, because despite my good fortune as of late, I still feel numb. I feel like I am watching my life like a show, rather than participating in it. If you know me, OH, I forgot, NOBODY KNOWS WHO i AM. Well, I don't believe in fate. I can do whatever I want to do. That is one thing that everyone should know earlier on in their lives, that way we would not have to say "IF i could go back" because we would not have to. Anyway, I don't believe in fate, which makes the whole living thing kind of a heavy drag lately. Because If you feel like you are watching your life, then you don't have much control. I guess that I will just have to try harder.




On a lighter note I have been told that I am a Pita, through and through. Pita is a body, mind, personality, skin, innards, type of person in the Ayuvedric studies. I am going to start a new post to describe the lighter stuff. That ought to be something. Stay tuned.